Despicable me

I really can’t help but admire B-Rabbit’s courageous move on 8-mile, I shall boldly take a page from his book. I’m going to outline all my faults. Yes, you heard right, I’m going Mohammed Ali on me, literally speaking the truth about myself in a derogatory way. Laying myself bare for the vultures. Why the hell not, everybody feels entitled to, might as well join them.
I personally am a very vengeful and vindictive bastard. I know the Word does say to turn the other cheek but the physical man in me always uncontrollably lashes out. I’m not about all-out guns blazing warfare but I take my revenge in subtle tones that people misconstrue as my being nice yet have the detrimental effect required on the intended target. Of course, I’m not one to spit in your food before I serve it as you wouldn’t feel a thing. My cold served dish goes down your gullet cold and you do get brain-freeze! Yes, my aim is for you to feel it and my arsenal targets emotions. I’m quite proficient at it too.
Laying all that aside, I’m the type of guy who will go through my girlfriend’s phone when I feel the need to. I have been cheated on so many times you would think me pathetic were I to list out the scenarios. All that time I was fundamentally the guy who “trusted” their counterpart and wouldn’t dare go C.I.A. on them. The one time I allowed the inner geek in me to flourish and hack passwords and accounts, I discovered a coup that saved me a great deal of heartache when it finally did occur and since then iv been Bond, James Bond. I keep a look out for revolts and thwart what I can: I tell my woman that almost every guy who says hi to her wants to sleep with her and each time she does not believe me until…….lo and behold, Sir Knight makes a move!!!
The question of opposite sex friends is one that baffles me. It all makes me feel ancient, like I really do not belong in this era. You did have friends before I came along I get that, but through my emergence, I should render those male friends obsolete. That which they provided to you is now replaced by me, I’m all the man you will ever need. I’m the guy who will obliterate all communications with ALL my female peers when I get a like-minded counterpart. However, I’m also the guy who will suggest such a scenario, and if its not taken up, maintain, if not increase, my female associations. I did say I was vengeful after all!
I am also that type of guy who feels I have a right to voice out my opinions about my only lady’s comings and goings. I also feel I have the right to drop hints, subtly of course, on unladylike behavior. Please understand, I’m not saying I wish to be your parent, but where a ball was dropped, allow me eye gestures that point you in the direction of the fallen ball, lips sealed. If my partner plans a meet with somebody from her past, I feel I should be allowed to voice my concern and after the meeting, to act in a certain way that reflects displeasure. I’m an African man, raised under the most adherently strict conditions and I really cannot hide it. I was raised to treat a woman with love, respect, and to honor her, and to try much as I can to keep a smile on her face and bring a bounce to her step, to be proud of being a loved and kept woman. To understand her role in the home and not to take advantage of that, and in that light, I can perform all domestic chores better than women themselves, particularly cooking.
It is also through this upbringing that I learnt the following list of things apply to all genders, but even moreso to women (lookout signs before you marry:
• Bathing twice a day and under no circumstances can a woman go without a single bath
• Being tidy is a must. A day or 2 of slacking are permissible though
• Proper sitting postures must be observed. A woman ought never to sit like a man
• When eating at a table, elbows should not rest on the table and under no circumstance should one speak with their mouth full of food
• When one sneezes, yawns or coughs, they should cover their mouth
• Eating is a special bonding moment, tv shows and gadgets are laid aside in respect of this moment
• The man must provide for his family. Under no circumstance must he turn the wife into the bread-winner
The list is quite extensive and I will gladly provide it for anyone who needs it. Those are just a few pointers from it. I am the type of guy who is extremely displeased if any one of these customs are not upheld. Being an introvert, I may not speak out (When sober) but I will act in a way that reflects my displeasure.
In conclusion, I am that type of guy who:
 Wants to cuddle even after fighting
 Is not sensitive enough to shed a tear but romantic enough to take care of his lady
 Finds it so hard to say I’m sorry but if I really care about her, will say it (Sometimes)
 Thinks he is almost always right and will fabricate at times to prove I am indeed right
 Believes that even when I speak inconsistently and not eloquent in speech, I still deserve my partner’s full attention as I orate. I should not revert to long whatsapp messages or writing books to gain her attention
 In my anger go out drinking with my male buddies until 3am. Most often by the car listening and dancing to music with no females around! No cheating even in anger
 Reiterates that he should not be fighting for attention with male friends. Marriage is meant for Ruth and John. Biblically, John leaves his mother and father and clings to Ruth. It never said he clings to Ruth who is also clinging to Sam, Luke, Jerry, Ted and Sally and everything about their marital clinging is relayed to the others on the cling chain.

I am not perfect. I am heavily flawed, controlling and manipulative. In my twisted mind, its all meant to make the relationship stronger and lasting. Judge me as you please, tear down at my emotional wall, at least I have the guts to proclaim who and what I am. I am….

The Domestic Terrorist
The Domestic Terrorist

Osama Bin Buks, a devout member of the Talibux

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#Meninism Defined: The justification of GBV

I have never taken an active role against G.B.V. but for all intents and purposes, I really do not condone it. In fact, I do not condone violence of any kind: man – woman, woman – child, child – dog etc. I believe the only things that deserve to be squashed are flies, roaches and mosquitoes, pretty much because mosquito bites hurt like hell! Death to those tyrants!
In my view beating anyone is wrong. There are ways of handling every issue that circumvent a beating. As a child and all through adolescence I can proudly state that I have been involved in 6 physical altercations at school. I never once extended my fist or open palm in retaliation. Basically I got beaten up 6 times and never fought back. It was so bad my parents felt I was a coward and urged me to fight back. Get it straight, I am no coward, deep inside me a storm brews up in anger and I feel all the adrenalin rushing to my hands but at the moment the eye of the storm is about to be unleashed, I envision the detrimental effect of it; broken nose, jaw and teeth. The thought of doing that to another human being holds me in check as said human has their way with my handsomely sculpted delicate facial features and ribs from which another part of me should emanate.
My sentiments are not altogether respected by every individual however. Some people find it necessary and even appealing to knock some sense brutally into their better halves. Of all the people I count as friends, a few do throw punches at their spouses and much to my chagrin, I’m beginning to sympathize with them. Before I explain why this is, I shall provide a scenario I once witnessed at one police station.
A 16 year old frail girl stands by the bench I’m sitting on. She’s in tears and the police are taking verbal jabs at her. Concerned, I pay attention to the conversation and I discover that 2 days before, the girl came in and filed a complaint against her husband. She claimed he hit her for not putting enough salt in their meal. I’m sitting there trying to imagine if I was dreaming this scenario or if it was really acting out before me. I think I may have actually pinched myself. First, she looked so young I harbored doubts she was 16. Second she claimed to be married!! I am 28 and I still haven’t had the pleasure of betrothal. Third, who gets beaten up for not putting enough salt! Silly reason to go to jail for in my opinion. If I’m to ever be incarcerated, it would be because I swindled the nation of $850 billion worth of refined unmarked and untraceable gold.
Anyhow, the girl was back apparently to retract her earlier claims. Initially I thought it was because the husband had threatened to hit her again but as it unfolded, I realized it was because she loved him and she feared her report would get him jailed for a couple of months. Simply, the thought of living those months without him brought her pleading in tears to the station, begging that charges be dropped and the docket be destroyed.
Now back to my physically abusive friends; none of these guys’ wives ever reported on them. Worst of all, when i visit their homes, the treatment they receive from their wives and the stuff they get away with really makes one speculate. Then comes Mr. Nice Guy, who treats his wife like the sun rises from her behind and yet his wife walks all over him, treats him like an unwanted rag and is most times rude to him. I mentioned to one of my friend once how my girlfriend takes me for granted and uses me and he blatantly states that I need to hit her. Apparently, women naturally need to be dominated and ruthlessly punished when they try to dominate. That was his philosophy. Suffice it to say, I listened but did not heed his advice. Today however, I’m wrecking my brain trying to figure out where I’m getting it wrong and these guys are getting it right, surely it cannot be the violence!
Scenario 1: Me
I’m a really sensitive, loving and emotionally endowed man. When all is well, the woman dating me feels like the most loved woman alive. I listen, I pay attention, I speak when she looks at me seeking a response and most often than not, the response I give is the one she seeks. I take care of my woman as best as I can and when lack arises, I usually step up efforts to cover it and I usually succeed. I respect her needs both culturally, spiritually, physically and emotionally and after they break up with me, they seek me out to acknowledge that of me. My one fault is I never get to marry them, but in my defence, the relationships don’t last long enough to get there. At best, 6 months is all I get except in special circumstances.
Scenario 2: Wife-beating friend
Having been friends all our lives, I’ve witnessed most of his relationships. He was always the stern, rude, uncaring boyfriend. His girlfriends would complain about him to me, beg me to talk to him, make him more like me. I did try that, but he was still nasty towards his women. He did have moments of passion and sweet talk particularly when he craved sexual favors but half the time he was just plain mean. Sad to say, all these females pined after him and boy did he cheat on them!! He eventually got married to one he claimed to love and now he hits her! I would assume that should make her wake up but no, he is her lord. She literally flushes after he is done using the little boys’ wee wee room and adores him to death!
Pardon my confusion but ladies I’m starting to see a trend here. At some point in my life (one I’m not so proud of) I was almost always drunk. From morning until bed time I would be inebriated daily. I had a position of authority at work and the students claimed I was a better teacher drunk than sober. Did I mention the average pass-rate of 94%? I had women falling over themselves to get at me but I was inwardly crying over a recent heartbreak so I wasn’t exactly nice to them. To date, I have never had so many ladies want me all at once as at that time. Heartbreak healed, I became the sentimental nice guy again and all my fans disappeared. In fact, the next girl I got serious with cheated on me!

It’s so sad to say that as it stands, if I’m to have the kind of marriage that I envision, I have to conform and treat women like trash.-Then again, if I treat them that way, It’s no longer the marriage I envision. My very own custom designed vicious circle

The Complications of me

Persona

As I titled this post, it dawned on me that the name “Complicatxn” is coincidentally used by my life partner, it is really unelaborated I assure you. Pun definitely not intended. It is with great difficulty that I shall try to relay my persona on a blog post. I have been in many relationships in my life; business, personal, platonic, sexual, familial etc. and with each new relationship, you are always faced with this monstrous task of describing yourself, your nature, your temperament, your habits and your personality to the new person(s). Basically with every new relationship fostered, both parties have this overwhelming desire to know what makes the other tick, it draws out a measure of compatibility so we can’t rule it off.

Who am i?

I am that guy who sat at the centre of the class. I was neither lurid nor mischievous enough to take up residence at the back with the ‘cool kids’.  On the other hand, I told myself I wasn’t Mr. Goody Two Shoes either and couldn’t sit close to the teacher, though it would have been a good vantage point to inspect Ms Dash Dash’s cleavage but I was not about that life…………at that time.

I was the nerd without the glasses and/or braces, who was too lazy to pay attention in math. My only passion lay in computers but the complexities of programming were not part of my diction. I guess I could say I was pretty darn amazing at booting up, playing games in MS Dos Prompt, (gotta love C: ), creating a word document and making fancy text with “Word Art”. I was just that person who didn’t fit anywhere but I was very comfortable just being me, which sorely and basically implies that you could never ever find me at the sports field!!!

In adulthood, I’m not much different. I was born a leader, also trained to lead and most people downright notice those qualities in me, except what they see isn’t exactly what is there to be seen. I’d like to call myself the “Subliminal Leader”. I still don’t sit at the back with the jocks, and neither am I in front with the goody goodies so that everyone sees me. I sit in the middle of everything, on a relatively covert throne and pull strings! I pull certain strings and certain people do certain things I certainly want done!! My reach is still a bit low but I’m working to increase the number of stooges on my line. I’ve just fed your mind with the entire ego that exists within me. Now for modesty:

I believe in people and I think of myself constantly as one who helps if I am able to. I don’t really know how to say no! Request something of me and if it is not perilous, it shall be granted unto you. I am the entablement which resoundingly supports those who need my support. Do not get me wrong however, this is not Sherwood Forest and I am not dressed in Lincoln green apparel, neither do I have a band of merry men or a broadsword. I am also not the gift that keeps on giving because more often than not, you get taken advantage of.

Summarily, I guess I can say that I am *drumroll please*,…………………………..A NICE GUY!!!!

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF

My name really is no secret, seek it and it shall become apparent, so it shall not be disclosed in this post. It really has been a long time coming. In 2012 I felt the initial rat-tat-tat raps on my skull from the blogger in me, aching to reveal “himself” to the world. To that end, I created a personalized website, complete with a blog yet I still detained him, fully guarded, under the lock and key of my brilliant nut. What better way to start blogging, than to date a blogger 2 years later, and feel that emotion of envy welling up inside you as she translates her thoughts on to the keyboard. With each letter she types in, an ounce of jealousy is evoked to the surface until you are completely enveloped by this unforgiving greenness and you ask yourself, “With so much to share, why in hell – Ok excuse me, I am a pessimist after all. Why in heaven – am I keeping it to myself?”

So there you have it, it is about time I allowed the rawness of my innermost thoughts, the brilliance bestowed upon me by The Creator, and the jealousy inspired by my girlfriend, to spew out intricate tales surrounding life, business, relationships and spirituality.

As I am being aptly initiated into the blogging spectre by, erm ……………………, me, I shall allow myself to go with the flow. I shall not bother with the frequency of my articles or any other intricacies to that effect, I shall post as I feel the need. That really feels liberating! One of my many vices and passions is Web Development and Content Creation. I have experienced first-hand the need to post relevant articles frequently with backlinks to promote a site’s Optimization on search engines so despite my latter disclaimer, I shall have to frequently  post!!! First blog, and im already tediously narrating Search Engine Optimization!!! These are the side effects of having once been a lecturer.

On that particular note, I shall welcome myself to the fraternity of the opinionated self-thought proclaimers and sign off. You are in safe hands…..